only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
