wrigley field is MILF paradise
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
