Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
