so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
