Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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