I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
