i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
