Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize