sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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