Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
