OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
