I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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