I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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