i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
