I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
