you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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