You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
