idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
