just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
