I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
