He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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