so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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