I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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