dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
