he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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