does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You pole danced in your parka.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Please don't give away my fajitas
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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