apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
