i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
you had me at cake vodka
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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