I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
