Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
