i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
