he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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