Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
it's like heaven, but drunker
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Randomize
