She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
