I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
