does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
