did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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