I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
