Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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