in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
