i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
