And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
