remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
