it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
