we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
