I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
