she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
