Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
