Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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