...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
