Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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