So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Welp...herpes.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
