someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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