you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
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